Here, there and everywhere: rant

I’ve just read a story on the BBC concerning Nokia and a London-based tech startup called Lowdownapp, over the right to the word ‘here’. It’s a great example of people using words in a cavalier manner.

In summary, Lowdownapp have a check-in app that makes it “quick and easy to inform people you’ve arrived at your planned destination” according to a write-up they got in TechCrunch. You do it by hitting the HERE button, seemingly.

Ok, cool. Whatever. I’m not a fan of checking-in via apps; if I want people to know I’ve arrived I’ll probably just tell them using my voice, or maybe by waving at them. I know … old skool.

hereOne-time behemoth of the mobile phone world, Nokia object to this use of the word ‘here’ because it has a division that does something map-related which also uses the word ‘here’.

Nokia is apparently threatening Lowdowndirtydogs over the use of the word here because it, Nokia I mean, has ‘invested’ $12 million promoting the Here brand. The piece on the BBC doesn’t say how effective that $12 million investment has been. But I doubt it had garnered coverage quite like that they’ve achieved as a result of this little spat.

The BBC quotes David Senior from Lowdownapp complaining about Nokia being a massive bully: “As a small start-up trying to deliver value to users we don’t think a multi-billion dollar company will be affected by this. Life is hard enough without Goliaths squashing Davids – maybe they should focus on creating a better mapping service than Google or Apple than squishing a minuscule business.”

I find this a little disingenuous, I’m afraid; I’m just not convinced by Mr Senior’s remarks that big-assed companies like Nokia shouldn’t be worried about agile, disruptive, single-feature app startups. Of course they should be concerned.

Tech startups are frequently described as disruptive, a word I have a bit of a semantic problem with. But that’s another story. The incumbent players in any market have been warned repeatedly over the last 5+ years that, unless they watch out, some upstart startup will come along and disrupt all over them from a great height.

Have Nokia over-reacted? Yes, of course. And Mr Senior’s advice that they develop better mapping services rather than throwing their weight around is good advice, too.

But big business shouldn’t be concerned about the threat posed by startups..? Give me a break.

 

 

 

Spinach, start-ups, and bloated tech companies

Dear Tesco, what is the point of this?
I’m referring to the pic of two baby spinach leaves with a speech bubble asking “what am I like?”
 At first glance, and maybe because I lived in Manchester for a time, when I see “what am I like” in my head I hear an annoying voice going “what am I like, eh? I’m just dead mad I am.
But no, the baby spinach is asking a straight question which is subsequently answered. For this is an attempt to tell anyone who has never tried baby spinach what it’s like.
“Young and tender dark green leaves…” is the first thing we are told. It’s also the first thing I have issue with.
“No shit,” one of the unfiltered voices in my head cries out. Baby anything tends to be young and tender.  And I can see there are dark green leaves, because much of the bag is transparent.
Next we are told the leaves come “.. with a distinctive flavour.”
I see.
A distinctive flavour.
Dog shit has a distinctive flavour (sorry, same unfiltered voice as above). So does toothpaste. Everything that isn’t a compound of other flavours has, by definition, a distinctive flavour.
Describing the flavour as distinctive doesn’t tell me anything useful.
So, what’s the point?
I’m not on some there’s-too-much-informationcrusade. I see this as yet another symptom of marketing departments populated by people with no real clue how to communicate with other people – well, with real people; they probably manage just fine talking utter garbage to other dullard marketing managers.
Anyone in PR will at some point have had to work with one of those people at a client. A mid-to-senior level marketing manager who is only in a position of responsibility because everyone better than them was either made redundant in the post-2008 downturn, or left to do something more rewarding.
These people don’t understand concepts like communicating effectively. They talk almost exclusively in jargon. Can’t cope with being challenged and have no frame of reference outside the impossibly narrow confines of their pointless job and equally uninspiring dimwit colleagues.
They add no value and, by and large, the only skills they have acquired are sufficient political nous to dodge the redundancy bullet and a few knife-wielding chops, but only when people’s backs are turned.
While so much of the tech sector is currently experiencing paroxysms of joy over the incredible talent of our burgeoning start-up communities, the heavier weight tech companies remain bloated by people who were hired during periods of rapid growth and who ought to have been jettisoned long ago.
In case you were wondering, yes I do feel better now thanks.